How to Liberate Yourself from Social Anxiety | Vanessa Van Edwards on Impact Theory



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“Captivate” is more than just the title of her new book, it is the effect that Vanessa Van Edwards has on audiences through her videos, articles, and data-driven insights. Vanessa is a self-described recovering awkward person who went from hiding in the bathroom and avoiding people at parties to literally writing the book on deciphering human behavior. She founded her own research lab, the Science of People, and has traveled the world as a speaker presenting her findings to prestigious universities, Fortune 500 companies, and media outlets such as The Today Show, The Wall Street Journal, and much more. Learn from the certified fraud examiner, body language expert, and author as she shares practical insights for decoding human behavior in this episode of Impact Theory with Tom Bilyeu.

PULL QUOTES

“I believe that every person has a cipher. They have a set of values that you can solve about them…if you turn it in the right ways.” [8:13]

“If we feel like we can change everything, we also might not optimize for how we are naturally wired.” [20:36]

“The biggest thing that happens with friendships is that they do go stale.” [25:32]

“We can unlearn our helplessness to learn to help ourselves.” [55:26]

“We don’t realize that happiness comes in these very small moments every day.” [55:57]

“Look at your struggle as immersive empathy.” [48:46]
SHOW NOTES

Vanessa explains what drew her to the science of solving people and why everyone has a cipher. [6:44]

Vanessa provides the keys to understanding yourself or someone else. [10:07]

Tom and Vanessa discuss the gravity of language, personality types, and neuroticism. [13:40]

Vanessa explains why self-soothing is important to balance. [19:00]

Vanessa explores the notion of radical honesty and deconstructs ambivalent relationships. [22:53]

Vanessa reveals the one question to ask that uncovers toxic relationships. [26:50]

Vanessa breaks down why she believes you can smell emotions. [30:58]

Tom and Vanessa discuss leveraging your uniqueness to communicate the right message. [33:54]

Vanessa talks about the personality matrix, radical honesty in relationships, and the resource theory. [39:39]

Vanessa reiterates the importance of self-soothing and emotional versus logistical worries. [49:30]

Tom and Vanessa touch on the link between happiness and learned helplessness. [53:43]

Vanessa shares how she turns small moments of unhappiness into gratitude totems. [57:30]

Vanessa defines the impact that she wants to have on the world. [59:28]

MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE

BOOKS/COURSES

Captivate: The Science of Succeeding with People – [1:54]

Snoop: What Your Stuff Says About You – [15:28]

The Power of Happiness Course – [55:38]

PEOPLE

Sam Gosling – [15:25]

Martin Seligman – [54:14]

FOLLOW VANESSA:

FACEBOOK:

INSTAGRAM:

TWITTER:

LINKEDIN:

WEBSITE:

YOUTUBE:

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36 comments

  1. Am I the only one who finds her creepy? I’m getting sociopath vibes. She views people like a puzzle that when solved, becomes usable. It’s like she’s promoting masking rather than being yourself. Because if you are yourself you can’t use other people.

  2. 29:00 she talks about only going to friends who share her excitement and are happy for her. I also want my close friends to not be happy for my choices if they can see from the outside that I am making a mistake. This to me is more important as it indicates that they actually care about your decisions and are willing to discuss it with you. Those who hide behind the "I didn't tell you because I don't want you to feel bad" only perpetuate your problems, and will also talk about your poor choices to others behind your back.

  3. When she said organizing alphabet and color…. I started tingling a little…. Awww man… then you got from dark to bright or vice versa…. Damn

  4. I used to be awkward after I got physically weak and pimples. Got some very bad biases about people. Then I got cute after working out and growing up ive been told and all the shit I had to teach myself to be social ended up hurting me.

    Tldr: have a fuck it attitude about conversations. Pretty sure Im naturally introvert but after getting so sick and tired of having to learn about people and forcing conversations I said eff all that. I'm gonna talk about what I want, with who I want, and that's what I do now. Sure I get some weird looks and people don't like my opinions, but fuck following a pattern of speech, fuck any studies about human interactions.

    It's not that complicated. Say what you want and eff everyone else. Meet people with similar personality. I'm goofy as hell.

  5. Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think and more talented than you know, and capable of more than you can imagine. Keep putting in the work…

  6. This person is straight-out paranoid. This is what happens when you are too concerned about others rather than yourself.

  7. Allan Pease and Muggsy Bogues come to mind. Don't think I heard their names mentioned. Way to go when it comes to acknowledging influences. How is it that all of the guests on this channel do a great job at superficial deep dives.

  8. We will see much social anxiety you have after a gun is put to your head and then asked if you believe in God. On your behalf you better make the right choice because you never know what might actually happen.

  9. "Guys, let me tell you this is somebody that you are going to want to dive deeply into.." You got that right xD

  10. A little off topic, but her expressive style reminds me of Disney characters. Maybe she was a Disney princess in a former life.

  11. Is it possible that one shifts from High neurotic state to a low neurotic state in a state of crisis?

  12. Ive felt the same about my face, I’ve been called serious multiple times and emotionless and felt horrible about it and always tried to modify my face when i leave the house and when talking to people but i learned over time that my face necessarily isn’t a bad thing

  13. I'm not here because of human potential…

    I'm here because YouTube thinks I'm looking for self help horseshit….

    Have fun influencers…..you have zero intrinsic value if the power goes out.

    I'm done shitting on you now…have fun kids

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